Fireside Chat - Closed Adoption
One of the most important values and beliefs that I have personally, is that of being a part of an eternal family. The primary source of our individual identities comes from who our families are and how we relate to them. For me, being adopted was just a part of how I got to my eternal family - it didn't change the fact that I am a Guilott and I belong with my parents and two younger sisters. My mother had lost 11 babies to miscarriage and other various complications before adopting me, so we sometimes joke that all those babies were me trying to get to her, but when I obviously couldn't get there through her, I needed to find another way. So I came through a sweet 17 year old girl, in need of a way to feel closer to her Father in Heaven. And this experience did just that for all of us!
I love my story! I think that it uplifts and informs people on the testimony I have about eternal families, and shows that sometimes blood doesn't necessarily mean family. However, I know that my story wouldn't be the same if I had had an open adoption (meaning that I would have known who my birth-parents were while growing up, and they might have had part in my life). If that had been the case, I would have had an identity crisis throughout my entire childhood, and would have used my birth-parents as some sort of a point of argument with my own parents. For example, "Yeah? Well I should just be with my birth-family cause I'm sure THEY would let me ________!" etc. I have friends who have been part of open adoptions, and their lives have been very difficult and confusing. In doing quite a bit of research on the subject, I found that the vast majority of open adoptions lead to deviant behavior such as drug and alcohol use, mental and emotional instability leading to suicidal thoughts or actions, and so on. One study even showed that 43% of all open adoptions lead to the adopted child identifying later in life as a homosexual.
In Lathem's article, "The Ecstasy of Influence," he mentions that "most artists are converted to art by art itself." I feel that is often what is thought about experience - people are converted to one opinion or the other based off of solely their own experiences, which is why some tend to discredit my thoughts on adoption. "Well, your life is was a closed adoption, and you've lived a good life, so of course that is going to be what you advocate for!" I understand this way of thinking, but it isn't just my own experience that I am drawing off of. I have seen so many situations of adoption in my short life time, and I'm sure I'll see many more! So far, I have seen enough to know that the best way for all parties is to allow the child to grow up in a home with their identity being a part of the family they belong to. I remember watching "August Rush" for the first time and wondering if I had ever randomly met my birth-parents on the street somewhere just like August. This was a fond thought for me. I always knew I wanted to meet my birth-parents eventually, but growing up, it was nice to think fondly on them and hope for their welfare, wherever they might be. I would rather think fondly on them and hope for their success than have known who they were and seen their failures (for I now know they had many, as we all have).
This project allowed me to get the perspective of both the birth-mom (she has recently reconnected with me, though we still have yet to meet in person) and the adoptive mother. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to do this project, and I hope to make this a bigger and stronger documentary for myself and for my family so that we, and others, can understand the importance of an eternal family while being grateful for the experience and sacrifice that my birth mother made. Click the link below to watch the video.
I love my story! I think that it uplifts and informs people on the testimony I have about eternal families, and shows that sometimes blood doesn't necessarily mean family. However, I know that my story wouldn't be the same if I had had an open adoption (meaning that I would have known who my birth-parents were while growing up, and they might have had part in my life). If that had been the case, I would have had an identity crisis throughout my entire childhood, and would have used my birth-parents as some sort of a point of argument with my own parents. For example, "Yeah? Well I should just be with my birth-family cause I'm sure THEY would let me ________!" etc. I have friends who have been part of open adoptions, and their lives have been very difficult and confusing. In doing quite a bit of research on the subject, I found that the vast majority of open adoptions lead to deviant behavior such as drug and alcohol use, mental and emotional instability leading to suicidal thoughts or actions, and so on. One study even showed that 43% of all open adoptions lead to the adopted child identifying later in life as a homosexual.
In Lathem's article, "The Ecstasy of Influence," he mentions that "most artists are converted to art by art itself." I feel that is often what is thought about experience - people are converted to one opinion or the other based off of solely their own experiences, which is why some tend to discredit my thoughts on adoption. "Well, your life is was a closed adoption, and you've lived a good life, so of course that is going to be what you advocate for!" I understand this way of thinking, but it isn't just my own experience that I am drawing off of. I have seen so many situations of adoption in my short life time, and I'm sure I'll see many more! So far, I have seen enough to know that the best way for all parties is to allow the child to grow up in a home with their identity being a part of the family they belong to. I remember watching "August Rush" for the first time and wondering if I had ever randomly met my birth-parents on the street somewhere just like August. This was a fond thought for me. I always knew I wanted to meet my birth-parents eventually, but growing up, it was nice to think fondly on them and hope for their welfare, wherever they might be. I would rather think fondly on them and hope for their success than have known who they were and seen their failures (for I now know they had many, as we all have).
This project allowed me to get the perspective of both the birth-mom (she has recently reconnected with me, though we still have yet to meet in person) and the adoptive mother. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to do this project, and I hope to make this a bigger and stronger documentary for myself and for my family so that we, and others, can understand the importance of an eternal family while being grateful for the experience and sacrifice that my birth mother made. Click the link below to watch the video.
Fireside Chat Video Link
The following was my "shot list" of sorts. The project was half media and half live performance, so without understanding the live half, the video portion is practically obsolete. Thanks again!
Hello Nicole. I am a Pastor from Mumbai, India. I am glad to stop by your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am also blessed and feel privileged and honored to get connected with you as well as know you and about you . I am so moved by your blog post. Very touching story of adoption. May you be a real blessings to your parents. It is so astonishing to know that your Mom had to go through 11 miss carriages and you have put your arrival in a so interesting and impressive way. I love getting connected with the people of God around the globe to be encouraged,strengthened and praying for one another. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 38 yrs in this great city of Mumbai a city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. we reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ to b ring healing to the brokenhearted. we also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. we would love to have you come with your two other sisters to work with us during your vacation time. I am sure you will have a life changing experience. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. Looking forward to hear from you very soon. god's richest blessings on you, your family and friends. Wishing you a blessed and joyous Christmas season and a Christ centered New year.
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